its on!

well i thought it was time to re update the whole im not with Joshua thing deal here! that whole blog is not so true anymore. We are back together and happier than ever i guess that was just a phase. lol. anyways i dont like phases like that. i found out our new song and it is.....
hawthorne heights

Bleed these colors open wideBurning blues from butterflies(Tonight we, Tonight we fly)Flying faster through the nightUntil the orange of morning light(Dear black goodbye, Dear black goodbye)I know it's hard to make this workWhen you're all alone (Alone)And I've been waiting for so longTo hold you in my armsEmbrace forever my sweet girlWater fills these open eyes (Tonight we fly)Still frames and valentinesWon't keep me in her mind(Dear black goodbye, Dear black goodbye)I know it's hard to make this workWhen you're all alone (Alone)And I've been waiting for so longTo hold you in my armsEmbrace forever my sweet girl[x2]You are the ghost of everything that I'm not and I want to be[x2]Dear black goodbye (Goodbye)Don't forget to write Your name inside (Goodbye) Of my lifeAnd I know it's hard to make this workWhen you're all aloneI've been waiting for so longTo hold you in my armsAnd I've been waiting for so longTo hold you in my armsEmbrace forever my sweet girl

And no its not intended to be emo! but anyways i love him!

*gone*

Well as you all know probably* I am no longer with Joshua. It was a hard break up for me being that we were together for almost two years. Yes I miss him like crazy but, I don’t miss some things that he used to do. I miss the attention beyond anything. He use to be such a sweetheart and he changed over time not someone I really wanted to be with anymore. I wanted to leave but I was just a little to scared because I knew I would miss him. Sure enough he’s gone now. But hey I love that I have a lot of freedom, nothings tying me down, no curfew nothing it’s just me! Yes I cried for like ever but hey it was tuff and I don’t expect and sympathy from anything or anyone.
When this happen I got very sick. Like I have been for about 3 and ½ days now. Its hard to sleep its hard to keep food down. But today when I woke up I was ok I didn’t feel really crappy I was smiling I go to school and I saw my friends and everything about him just went away. That’s what I love about school always seeing my friend’s, I only have less than a year left so I’m trying to embrace everything while I can. I don’t want to be a bad person or anything like that. I just want to go back to being myself before I met him. I wasn’t extremely happy but I think I will be now. But anyways here’s a song that reminds me of him but im not going to let it bother me.

"When you come back I won't be here"he said and gently pulled me nearIf you wanna talk you can call And no it's not your faultI just smiled and said "let go of me"Now there's something I just gotta know"Did someone else steal my part?"he said it's my fault

Then my heart did time in Siberia Was waiting for the light to come true'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifting in between Like I was on the outside looking in In my dreams you are still here Like you've always been
I gave myself away completely But you just couldn't see me While I was sleeping in your bed 'Cause someone else was on your mind, in your head
When I came back, he wasn't there Just a note left on the stairs"If you wanna talk give me a call..."

though he wont answer when i call! which makes it easyier for me to get over the whole situation.